Disobeying

[lucy]

I wanted to post this but seeing Rita's post made me want to even more. My son (14) had his best friend over last night. We have been allowing Bub to ride the 4 wheeler with a helmet on up the road a couple miles and back. We actually have 3 ways he can go. But the actual rd we live on scares me. It is a one lane rd. and there is alot of traffic. If he goes down the rd there is a very dangerous place or up the rd is a very dangerous place. So we let him ride up toward the lake, not as much traffic and the rd is not so dangerous. Okay, back to the story, they wanted to ride and they both had on helmets. They went once and came back, and he told me his Buddy drove, this is my 4 wheeler and I sd, no, you only drive it. So, he sd ok and they went another trip, killed a green snake and his buddy let it slip he drove back. Before riding the 4 wheeler they walked up the rd to my sister's place to shoot airsoft guns. We told them to pick up all their garbage and do not bother their campers or anything. So, we asked them did they leave a mess or bother anything. They sd. no, we put our garbage in the firepit. Well, my sister came in from Ohio today, to discover a mess at their place. Bub and his buddy had taken bottles from here and busted them, in the creek and around the firepit, and in the fire pit. And had shot bottle rockets and left the debris. They keep this place CLEAN!! My brother-in-law was so mad, he didn't know who done it. As soon as Mom told me, I knew! So, we made Bub go up and hug his uncle, apologize and pick up the glass and debris. But how do I handle this. His Buddy knows everything about everything and Bub obviously thinks he knows more than us. He will go along with whatever the kid wants regardless of what we say. Do we cut him off from this kid or what? HELP! Bub is young and I want him to learn he has to Listen to US. I am in no way comparing this to Rita's situation but it could lead to that if we don't get a hand on it.

[Christy]

lucy I think you handled it well, cept I woulda made his friend apologize too. If his friend thinks he can get Bub in trouble n get off scott free hes not gonna think twice about doing it again.

Bub is just at that age were they think they n their friends know more than adults. theres a saying. {adolencent is when teenagers try to bring up their parents} I think all teens go through it, I know I did n so did my teens. its a part of life.

[nofeargardener]

Great job Lucy. I think you did the right thing by making him apologize AND making him clean up his mess. As an added bonus, I personally would've also made him go and care for his uncle's lawn free of charge for a week (once each day - mowing, watering, picking up, etc).

I agree... the friend should not get out of any punishment. I'd make it clear that "if he want's to act like a fool, you'll treat him like a fool - AND he will not be allowed near your family." Kids need the boundaries. They need the discipline. (just my opinion). Following the rules, or at least trying your best to live above the board, is part of life, work, etc. It's good to learn that lesson early on.

I caught the neighbor boy and his buddy throwing stuff in my back yard this past spring. Let's just say... they were in my yard, bent over on the ground, and picking it up within 30 seconds. We've mended our friendship since, but I made it clear to that boy that "I don't play that."

Regarding the 4 wheeler thing - - you can do what you want on that but I would've grounded him from it for a month. He'll prolly think twice before acting that way again.

I think you're on the right track.

[Rita]

Well I had this situation to a certain extent a few weeks ago when my nephew came over to visit .. I asked the boys did they clean their mess in the basement before they go over to my sisters house "of Course We cleaned up the mess" Yeah Right I went down to do laundry and I had worked so hard to get things ready down there I just started Crying .. It was a WRECK!! My nephew is No longer aloud to come over night until he learns to Not lie and clean up his own messes Same with my son!

AND that would be no different than letting someone ride my motorcycle .. If anyone else touched it after I said NO .. well they would no longer be using it until they were able to be trusted with such a responsibility ..
Quite Honestly if this child is over all the time and disrespecting your rules I would have a talk to his mom and dad and see what their rules are for him .. if they are that lax and let him do what ever he wants I don't think he will fit in any family setting with rules ..
I treat every kid in my house the same .. like my kid! they break the rules and they are in trouble .. and they have to find a way to fix it ..
Fact is I would of called the boys parents and made said boy get his BUTT over and help buba! thats just not fair nor right!
and Yes I made both the boys come over and clean up the basement!

[Laura]

I would take away the privilege of riding the 4 wheeler. & not let that kid come back over for quite some time. Best friend or not they both need to learn the rules & if not then he can & should stay away until he understands all the rules.
Lucy you did a good job handling it! I can tell you I would not want to be raising a teenage boy or girl these days.

[lucy]

Thanks to everyone for the advice. The problem with havng is friend come back up and help clean up is 1. his uncle wrecked a motorcylce yest. morning and has blood on the brain and in his lungs and broken ribs and collarbone. Plus,his mom had to work and I would be stuck with him again.