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Post by Tonnymonk on Apr 3, 2014 9:22:55 GMT -6
For those of you who already know me, this will be an update. For those who do not, this is my crazy life... I was a very active member/moderator here until a couple years ago when I left my husband and started out on my own, so to speak, as a mom of 2 beautiful girls. Now I am a mom to not only those 2, but my boyfriend's 2 as well. There is never a dull moment in our house! dtb His daughter-Ashley is 19, engaged, living on her own, and expecting her first child this September. I love her to bits, especially now that she lives in her own house...she was the "woman of the house" until I came along and we had some serious issues with her not listening to me when she lived here, now we are wonderful friends and I can't wait to meet her little baby!  On a side note- 2 other stepdaughters are pregnant as well, so I will be a first time hands on grandma this year and before it is out- I will be a 6 time grandma! Just technically,because one of those steps has 3 other kids, so I guess I am not really a first time grandma....you guys get the picture I hope... I think I just confused myself lol His son- Aaron is 17, strong willed, ADHD, and will be the death of me yet This-   could be me and him on any given day lol He will be going to basic training in June for the Army Reserves and I could not be more proud! Of Paul's 2, he accepted me right off and is very quick to tell anyone that I am his mom. I always wanted a boy, and God knew he needed a mom. My oldest, Summer- is age 13. She has always been my "good child" and has never given me any trouble until recently. A/B Honor roll, cheer squad, goofball, Battle of the Books champ, soft hearted...just GOOD! After a very bad argument with her dad in January(Who tells their kid "I don't need you, you need me"  and tries to put a dollar amount-"I'm not paying for your college, or buying you a Jeep" on love) and being depressed(secretly- there were NO warning signs) about it for a couple months, she took an overdose in a suicide attempt 3 weeks ago. We caught it in time to get her help and she is going to be fine, but the lasting effects of the suicide attempt on her school life and emotional state(mood swings, sarcasm, crying, etc) are a constant battle. We take it one day at a time and trust that God is in control. I am just so very thankful that she is still here and I can still hug her and tell her I love her every day... she still isn't speaking to her *%@#hole of a sperm donor/father. And the baby, Mackenna... what can I say? She is an 8 year old bundle of energy and hunger. lol I swear she has a hollow leg where she hides all the food she eats...She loves animals and being outside just like her mama. She is blissfully ignorant of almost everything going on around her and is a wonderful snapshot of what being a kid is all about... For now, I am loving her snuggles and sweet voice saying "Mama, can I..." whatever it is! little ones are so easy! Give her a dollar and she is over the moon, make cookies, she is over the moon....and hyper lol However, when she turns 13, I will be moving to Antarctica with no forwarding address... teenagers are ROUGH! and with her stubborn streak and ADHD(she and Aaron could be twins...)I don't know if I can handle another one lol Paul- my boyfriend for the last few years is an amazing man that has busted his backside to care for and raise his 2 as a mostly single dad since they were 2 and 4. He has accepted me and my girls, good and bad, unconditionally and loves us the same way. He doesn't yell, he doesn't get mad, he spoils us all... he is simply amazing. I wonder daily what I have done to deserve his love... or what he did that was so bad to be stuck with me lol In all seriousness, I couldn't have hand picked someone more perfect for me. And then there is me... I worked as an office manager in a very busy heating and air company for 5 years before a disagreement between myself and the co-owner(minority holder)got my sarcastic little behind fired last May. I was, of course devastated at first, but God knew what he was doing. I found work in the hospital kitchen and that renewed my desire to be a nurse. So, in January of this year, I talked it over with Paul and quit my job to be a full time student. I graduated March 28th from my CNA class(97.7 final grade  )I am currently taking my math classes(YUCK)and will be getting a few other classes out of the way before starting my Nursing program in the fall of 2015. They have odd deadlines at the college I am attending and I missed the deadline to start this fall. So... that is my journey up until now in a nutshell. Between kids, cats, gardening, school, and life I have managed to find my happiness and my "niche" I believe. I am happy to be back on OPP after a long hiatus and hopefully relearn a few things about gardening! Updates on everything mentioned will be as often as I can... |
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Post by spuds on Apr 3, 2014 10:22:07 GMT -6
Well BB,you sure have been busy.Glad to hear all is relatively well and things are getting better.
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Post by BestoFour on Apr 3, 2014 10:32:59 GMT -6
Seems you've been moving forward. Good for you. Are you still in the same city?
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Post by Penny on Apr 3, 2014 11:54:43 GMT -6
Big  to you and I am so happy to see you back Tonya. Huggs to the girls, I had wondered how their dad was with them, and I see that some things haven't changed at all. The key with Summer is keep the lines of communication open, let her talk when she needs to, vent when she wants, but just keep her talking. Again, I am soooo glad that your back and glad that you gave us an update too. |
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Post by lucy on Apr 4, 2014 2:45:47 GMT -6
Glad to get caught up on your life. Sorry things have been so rough. Hoping and Praying everything works out. And like Penny, I say let Summer talk and vent whenever she wants to.
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Post by Tonnymonk on Apr 4, 2014 7:08:37 GMT -6
I have made it clear to her that I am here if she wants to talk, but she doesn't. I have told her that I don't care WHAT the problem is, I love her unconditionally and we will work together to fix whatever is wrong...she still doesn't talk. She does have a wonderful therapist and knows that unless she is breaking the law, something criminal has happened, or her life or someone else's life is endangered I will not know what she said. I'm hoping she will open up to the therapist and work through whatever is bothering her. It will all come out eventually...I just hate the helpless feeling.
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Post by Tonnymonk on Apr 4, 2014 8:12:43 GMT -6
A few pics of the family starting with the oldest... ME!  Paul hates having his picture taken, so this is of me and him a couple years ago...  Ashley's Prom picture from this time last year-  |
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Post by Tonnymonk on Apr 4, 2014 8:15:23 GMT -6
Aaron- What a handsome boy if I do say so myself...  Summer- taking "selfies" on my phone last summer  Mackenna- my goofy little peanut playing "beauty shop" with her stuffed animals. And, yes, those are panties on her head lol  |
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Post by Tonnymonk on Apr 4, 2014 8:16:57 GMT -6
One of everyone at Disney a couple years ago-  And my favorite pic of Summer and Mackenna taken without their knowledge during our "snowstorm" a month or so ago....  |
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Post by spuds on Apr 4, 2014 15:38:11 GMT -6
Beautiful pics all,very nice,all looks good.
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Post by BestoFour on Apr 5, 2014 12:10:19 GMT -6
handsome family. Have you thought about counseling for Summer? Has greatly helped my just turned 17 year old step grand daughter.
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Post by Tonnymonk on Apr 5, 2014 20:50:38 GMT -6
Sheri- she sees a therapist weekly. Hopefully it will help |
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Post by Penny on Apr 6, 2014 6:23:03 GMT -6
What a beautiful family Tonya....you all look so happy!!
As for Summer.....offer to her that she can write you a note, if that would help her talk to you, if that makes her more comfortable.
Sometimes you just have to keep asking her everyday, and maybe you'll catch her at a weak moment and she'll talk....and even though you said she doesn't talk to you, by offering everyday, maybe eventually she will.
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Post by w8in4dave on Apr 6, 2014 16:32:39 GMT -6
Wow! What a story! And a plate full! Beautiful family! I am always happy to see a face with a name. But you do have your hands full! Good luck with your nursing degree! How wonderful for you! Looking forward to getting to know you.
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Post by lucy on Apr 6, 2014 23:35:30 GMT -6
Love the pictures!
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Post by Tonnymonk on Apr 7, 2014 11:37:49 GMT -6
UGH!!!! Why do I even bother answering the phone when it is Summer's dad on the phone?? He is so aggravating! She very seldom talks to him and when she does, more problems arise. He is CONSTANTLY giving her bad advice, ie- "Use sarcasm to handle a situation that you are uncomfortable with" which was his advice on how to handle adults telling her no, or his advice to confront the girl at the behavioral center who was obnoxious, even though policy was to not confront other peers. Her confronting this girl not only got her physically attacked, but also got her punished by staff for not following rules. Now it is speak your mind on EVERYTHING whether it offends someone or not, if it is something offensive, say it with a smile on your face and maybe they won't be offended. Don't hold anything in because it will cause further depression. WTF?? If there is nothing NICE to say, keep your mouth shut. period. unless the situation is dangerous or something.... i just don't know anymore. She now has an "I'll do whatever I want, and say whatever i want" attitude about everything....Thanks a lot sperm donor. He tells her what she DOES NOT need to hear. What he should be telling her is to talk to her therapist about ways to handle uncomfortable issues or deal with her anger. He is making things worse. idk if this made any sense, but he is about to make me angry and I had to vent. He doesn't look at her as a 13 year old girl who doesn't fully understand how to act in social situations, he looks at her as an adult and then when she responds like the child she is, he gets mad. I just wish he would fall in a really deep hole and disappear. squint
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Post by spuds on Apr 7, 2014 14:29:24 GMT -6
Fortunately they grow up fast and its a self ending problem with the ex.You just tell her whats right after her visits,tough for her to figure out who is right tho.Keep giving her better advice.
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Post by Tonnymonk on Apr 7, 2014 15:11:02 GMT -6
That's just it, Spuds...she wont go see him, won't really talk to him...when she attempted suicide, she actually said "He says he doesn't need me in his life, let's see how that works for him". BUT, and that is a HUGE but, if he pushed the issue, I would be in contempt of court for not making her go see him like the visitation order says. He WILL have to take me back to court and I have informed her therapist about all of this, but it just pissed me off so bad!! She does understand why I have to punish her for doing the wrong things...even when dad is the one who told her it is OK. Just puts an already unstable teen in an even more difficult, no win situation. I guess I was just venting to keep from calling him back and cussing him out for being an idiot! agree
He actually said he has a friend who is willing to sponsor her to go to a catholic school(away from home and her friends)....ummm, we are NOT catholic. AND, taking her away from her routine and everything she loves is NOT the answer... I am still mad....can you tell??
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Post by w8in4dave on Apr 7, 2014 16:56:48 GMT -6
That's just it, Spuds...she wont go see him, won't really talk to him...when she attempted suicide, she actually said "He says he doesn't need me in his life, let's see how that works for him". BUT, and that is a HUGE but, if he pushed the issue, I would be in contempt of court for not making her go see him like the visitation order says. He WILL have to take me back to court and I have informed her therapist about all of this, but it just pissed me off so bad!! She does understand why I have to punish her for doing the wrong things...even when dad is the one who told her it is OK. Just puts an already unstable teen in an even more difficult, no win situation. I guess I was just venting to keep from calling him back and cussing him out for being an idiot! agree He actually said he has a friend who is willing to sponsor her to go to a catholic school(away from home and her friends)....ummm, we are NOT catholic. AND, taking her away from her routine and everything she loves is NOT the answer... I am still mad....can you tell?? Yup I can tell! I understand tho! Don't tick a mom off! She will protect her children to the end! |
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Post by Penny on Apr 9, 2014 5:50:43 GMT -6
I know this might sound like a broken record Tonya....but just ket her know your there and she can talk to you anytime, about anything. She said about her dad not wanting her in his life (@asshole) and lets see how he likes it without her....tell her that all of you and her friends would miss her terribly, and don't let him get to her that way ....and most importantly, document everything, keep a journal that can be produced in court, if need be.  Good thing too that the therapist knows.  |
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Post by Tonnymonk on Apr 9, 2014 8:21:22 GMT -6
I know this might sound like a broken record Tonya....but just ket her know your there and she can talk to you anytime, about anything. She said about her dad not wanting her in his life (@asshole) and lets see how he likes it without her....tell her that all of you and her friends would miss her terribly, and don't let him get to her that way ....and most importantly, document everything, keep a journal that can be produced in court, if need be. Good thing too that the therapist knows. Penny- I know to her I am a broken record agree I tell her almost those exact words every day. As for her dad- I think he is pretty much a lost cause. The therapist agrees with me that he is the problem. I save every message from him, every voice mail, everything... and I document in a calendar things that happen that I don't have any other record of. My documentation of his actions has saved my butt in the past. agree He is a miserable soul and takes it out on anyone around him that doesn't respond the way he wants them to. She defended me to him and scolded him(which in turn got her the "don't be disrespectful to your dad" talk from me)so he attacked her.  She knows how he is and also knows that Paul, Aaron, Ashley, Mackenna and I love her dearly and are always here for her. Just remember her in your thoughts and prayers- she needs all she can get.... |
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Post by Tonnymonk on Jul 1, 2014 13:21:44 GMT -6
I know I have been MIA lately, so I figured I would give a general update here instead of in the Coffee House. Finished my first Psychology class with a 95.95 grade and a 100 grade on my final paper. VERY happy about that Started Developmental Psychology(which, so far, I hate) and all hell has broken loose.  School let out June 11th- Aaron had one week to make up his grade in History before leaving for Basic Training or he would have to retake it his senior year. Managed to accomplish that, and he shipped off to basic training at Fort Jackson, SC on June 23rd. I miss him terribly, but am so proud of him. Summer was babysitting and the woman was taking advantage of her to a degree, but she was getting paid to watch the baby and the older kids were my responsibility, since they were coming to play with Mackenna(4-5 kids, including the baby...every day). THAT has stopped altogether, both the babysitting and the extra kids. As I said earlier on here, Summer has had depression issues and attempted suicide in March. She has been seeing a therapist weekly and they did change her meds in the beginning of June, but her self harm behavior began again. I noticed a few small cuts before she started babysitting and she and I had a talk and she opened up a little. Her therapist, myself, and Summer all came to an agreement that if she felt the urge to hurt herself, she would reach out to us so she could have an immediate therapy session. Well, last Thursday, she informed me she had been having thoughts of killing herself again and felt that she needed to go back to a behavioral facility(not her words exactly) so she could get help. She asked to be taken to the hospital and once in the ER, asked them to find a bed open for her in a facility. She was complaining of panick attacks, suicidal thoughts, sleep disturbances, and depression. While in the ER, she had another panick attack(witnessed by the charge nurse) and asked for something to "help" with them, like a sedative. I talked to the nurse and expressed concern over the possibility they were being faked. She confirmed my suspicions. We found a bed for her and she has been there since Friday morning at 5am. I just don't understand what is going on. I have talked to her therapist, both here at home, and at the facility, and am waiting for a call today on her expected discharge date, diagnosis, and prognosis. I am at my wits end with this. I don't know, since the panic attacks were faked, how much of her illness is faked. I don't want to believe that she would feel the need to go to these levels to get attention, as we spend literally all day, every day together. But at the same time, I don't want her to be really feeling this way either. Regardless of how much is true and how much she is "making up", she has a problem and I don't know how to fix it. This is killing me. Ashley and Mackenna are doing well, and Little Jaxon gave me a kick through Ashley's belly the other day Please keep us all in your prayers as we travel this road...the best I can do right now is take one minute at a time. |
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Post by spuds on Jul 1, 2014 21:03:13 GMT -6
Real rough dealing with that situation,you are in my prayers.
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Post by Pharmer Phil on Jul 3, 2014 3:09:45 GMT -6
I know I have been MIA lately, so I figured I would give a general update here instead of in the Coffee House. Finished my first Psychology class with a 95.95 grade and a 100 grade on my final paper. VERY happy about that Started Developmental Psychology(which, so far, I hate) and all hell has broken loose. School let out June 11th- Aaron had one week to make up his grade in History before leaving for Basic Training or he would have to retake it his senior year. Managed to accomplish that, and he shipped off to basic training at Fort Jackson, SC on June 23rd. I miss him terribly, but am so proud of him. Summer was babysitting and the woman was taking advantage of her to a degree, but she was getting paid to watch the baby and the older kids were my responsibility, since they were coming to play with Mackenna(4-5 kids, including the baby...every day). THAT has stopped altogether, both the babysitting and the extra kids. As I said earlier on here, Summer has had depression issues and attempted suicide in March. She has been seeing a therapist weekly and they did change her meds in the beginning of June, but her self harm behavior began again. I noticed a few small cuts before she started babysitting and she and I had a talk and she opened up a little. Her therapist, myself, and Summer all came to an agreement that if she felt the urge to hurt herself, she would reach out to us so she could have an immediate therapy session. Well, last Thursday, she informed me she had been having thoughts of killing herself again and felt that she needed to go back to a behavioral facility(not her words exactly) so she could get help. She asked to be taken to the hospital and once in the ER, asked them to find a bed open for her in a facility. She was complaining of panick attacks, suicidal thoughts, sleep disturbances, and depression. While in the ER, she had another panick attack(witnessed by the charge nurse) and asked for something to "help" with them, like a sedative. I talked to the nurse and expressed concern over the possibility they were being faked. She confirmed my suspicions. We found a bed for her and she has been there since Friday morning at 5am. I just don't understand what is going on. I have talked to her therapist, both here at home, and at the facility, and am waiting for a call today on her expected discharge date, diagnosis, and prognosis. I am at my wits end with this. I don't know, since the panic attacks were faked, how much of her illness is faked. I don't want to believe that she would feel the need to go to these levels to get attention, as we spend literally all day, every day together. But at the same time, I don't want her to be really feeling this way either. Regardless of how much is true and how much she is "making up", she has a problem and I don't know how to fix it. This is killing me. Ashley and Mackenna are doing well, and Little Jaxon gave me a kick through Ashley's belly the other day Please keep us all in your prayers as we travel this road...the best I can do right now is take one minute at a time. Tonya..You can't fix it...Summer has to, at least You are aware, and can support her and keep an eye out...folks down the road, Son killed himself...parents never knew he had a problem...we're praying for You and Summer |
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Post by Tonnymonk on Jul 3, 2014 7:15:09 GMT -6
Tonya..You can't fix it...Summer has to, at least You are aware, and can support her and keep an eye out...folks down the road, Son killed himself...parents never knew he had a problem...we're praying for You and Summer Phil- You don't know how many times I have thought "How could I NOT have known"  I feel like such a failure as a parent right now. My child is four and a half hours away, locked in a "looney bin" and wanting to die.... I have screwed up somewhere. I was that parent that was always thinking "How do you not know what is going on with your kids?". Not I am that parent who fels like I have no effing clue what is going on with my kids. Right now I am struggling with not being able to go visit her before she is due to be released on Tuesday.... I just cannot justify driving alone for 9-10 hours and spending $120+ in gas, AND paying someone to watch Mackenna(no visitors under 18, at all) just to turn around and do it all over again in 3 days. BUT, I feel like a POS for not going. I feel like I am losing my mind and just want my baby back home and back to normal. |
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Post by spuds on Jul 3, 2014 16:38:51 GMT -6
You cant blame yourself.
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could be me and him on any given day lol He will be going to basic training in June for the Army Reserves and I could not be more proud! Of Paul's 2, he accepted me right off and is very quick to tell anyone that I am his mom. I always wanted a boy, and God knew he needed a mom.
and tries to put a dollar amount-"I'm not paying for your college, or buying you a Jeep" on love) and being depressed(secretly- there were NO warning signs) about it for a couple months, she took an overdose in a suicide attempt 3 weeks ago. We caught it in time to get her help and she is going to be fine, but the lasting effects of the suicide attempt on her school life and emotional state(mood swings, sarcasm, crying, etc) are a constant battle. We take it one day at a time and trust that God is in control. I am just so very thankful that she is still here and I can still hug her and tell her I love her every day... she still isn't speaking to her *%@#hole of a sperm donor/father. 
)I am currently taking my math classes(YUCK)and will be getting a few other classes out of the way before starting my Nursing program in the fall of 2015. They have odd deadlines at the college I am attending and I missed the deadline to start this fall.
to you and I am so happy to see you back Tonya. 
I feel like such a failure as a parent right now. My child is four and a half hours away, locked in a "looney bin" and wanting to die.... I have screwed up somewhere. I was that parent that was always thinking "How do you not know what is going on with your kids?". Not I am that parent who fels like I have no effing clue what is going on with my kids.