Rights

[lucy]

can any of you tell me what kind of rights I have to the place I live? We have lived on this spot since 1992. We have no deed. We paid to have a deed made before Dustin was born, but we wanted to have it in his name. We have repeatedly asked Mom to go and fix the deed to go to us when she passes. But she don't want to deal with it. And she knows that I have a couple sisters who will want to put the place up for sale when she passes. I am so stressed because she is 75 yrs old and me, Darrell and Dustin TAKE food up every nt and fix supper and eat with her. She buys almost no food. We are on a fixed income as is she. But she don't buy food for supper. I know this sounds mean but I am so tired. She goes to town and only does the minimum and then every time we go, she has a list a mile long for us to buy, never sends money with us, just like we are loaded. Which she does pay us back but sometimes it is hard to have money to pick up $20-$30 worth of extra stuff. What do I do? I am about done!

[jerseycub]

Nov 10, 2011 2:03:16 GMT -6 lucy said:

can any of you tell me what kind of rights I have to the place I live? We have lived on this spot since 1992. We have no deed. We paid to have a deed made before Dustin was born, but we wanted to have it in his name. We have repeatedly asked Mom to go and fix the deed to go to us when she passes. But she don't want to deal with it. And she knows that I have a couple sisters who will want to put the place up for sale when she passes. I am so stressed because she is 75 yrs old and me, Darrell and Dustin TAKE food up every nt and fix supper and eat with her. She buys almost no food. We are on a fixed income as is she. But she don't buy food for supper. I know this sounds mean but I am so tired. She goes to town and only does the minimum and then every time we go, she has a list a mile long for us to buy, never sends money with us, just like we are loaded. Which she does pay us back but sometimes it is hard to have money to pick up $20-$30 worth of extra stuff. What do I do? I am about done!

lucy I'm not familiar with law in Kentucky, but I feel it would be best for you to see an elder lawyer and ask those question. Is your mom suffering from Dementia and is there any deed at all, again I think you should be talkin to a elder lawyer. That's my best advice.

[Rita]

I agree with JC .. Find out your rights with a lawyer ..

[nofeargardener]

Sounds like real good advice so far. Regarding the cost of additional groceries and such... I tend to be a tell it like it is kind of guy. Sometimes that's good, and sometimes that's not so good. Either way, I always try and handle those conversations in person, with grace, with gentleness, but in plain & simple truth. You know her best. But I would think that if you avoid accusatory tones, and blame & such, that you could be honest with her and share with her that while money isn't the most important thing to you and your family, it is beginning to be a burden.... and that you'll help where & when you can, but it can't be all the time or at the level it has been. Hopefully she'll understand. Ultimately, if you do your part, and take the high road, her response is not your issue or yours to own. That's just my 2 cents. Hope this helps. And I really do hope it gets worked out. It's no fun having family conflict like that. Hang in there girl!

[lucy]

Thanks everyone. No JC she is not suffering from dementia. She just does not want to deal with making someone mad. My oldest sister lived on the spot where we are now and have been since(1992). She moved and never had a deed. Before we moved here, we asked her, she had bought a place elsewhere and sd we could have this place she would never live here again. She has since, lost 2 places along with almost everything she owned due to a drug problem. She rents now and is off drugs but told Mom that Dad gave her this place first. Dad told Dustin he would get the homeplace when something happened to him and Mommy. And Mommy agreed to that but she won't go have that fixed up either. I have 4 sisters and a nephew that was raised as my brother and there is enuf room for all of us to have a place here. But we have put city water and a new septic system here. Plus had a second driveway made and dozer work done here. But 3 of my sisters own their own places and my nephew has his own place also. Just me and my oldest sister are the only ones left hanging but hers is her own fault. Mine is, I promised Daddy to take care of Mommy and had a promise of this place and Bub had the promise of the homeplace. I'm sorry to bother everyone with this but I need some feedback and someone to talk to.

[w8in4dave]

Wow I cannot imagine what your going thru.. I can only imagine what I'd be like at 70 some years old.. So sorry your having this problem... Seems you might have to take her down and just get stuff done.. She is tired , she doesn't want to have to deal with all this stuff.. I am sure hoping every thing works out for you .. Huggs and keep us posted please .........

[Christy]

Lucy sorry your going through this
I don't think you or a laywer can do anything if its in your Mom's name. Your Mom has to do it.
I can see 3 choices here.
1 Talk your Mom into getting the deed done.
2 pick another spot and start from scratch {Id be taking out the water and sewage! cause thats just me. I find it funny how she didnt want the place, then yens put all this time n money into it n now she dose}
3 Find another place to live off the property. You can still take care of your Mom. visits n stuff.
You should really have a heart to heart with your Mom. explain your sisuation, Id hate to see someone put all there time n money in a home just to loose it in the end

[Penny]

Hmmm, i agree with Christy that your just going to have to take and her and "get it done".

To me, it sounds like your sister had her chance, and she blew it.

If it all goes sour, i would want the money back from putting in the water and sewer, you might need that to start over, as Christy said.

I would push to get this done as soon as possible, it sucks that you's are left in limbo....sit down with her and tell her how you feel, and that you would appreciate getting this done.

Good luck!

[jerseycub]

I would push to get this done as soon as possible, it sucks that you's are left in limbo....sit down with her and tell her how you feel, and that you would appreciate getting this done.

Lucy: I can only say that I agree with penny and Christy about you talking to your Mother. But if for some reason that doesn't work. I still stand on my first post. I wish you and your husband well, and god's good graces in this situation.

[colorado]

Is the home place and your place all on the same piece of property, same deed? Is the property in her name? Has she cleared to her name after you dad died? Could be she just does not know how to do it or if one piece and has to be divide to deed over a piece? If seperate and in her name just the deed made to you. Truthfully I would not put in a kids name. Could end up with real problems. Does she have a will? Hope you get the things straightened out.

[kansasterri]

I think that you need to get this cleared up BEFORE dementia sets in, KWIM?

Everybody is different: whenever my son behaves like this it is because he does not know how and he will not SAY that he does not know how.( My daughter, on the other hand, would lie and sway that it had been done already if she did not know how to do something.)

You need to get lawyered up.

[lucy]

The homeplace and ours and most of the rest is one piece of property. And it is all in her name. She also owns another piece that has their church on it. I have talked to her and she keeps saying I need to do something but don't know what to do. She has been to see her lawyer but still didn't do anything. Our place and one of my sister's has been drawn up already before my Dad passed away. Since I am the one here and doing her shopping and feeding her, I just feel like she could go and have it fixed that it goes to us when she passes. About it going into my son's name, my husband was in an accident at work and we have lots of medical bills that workers comp. refused to pay and we can't and we don't want to lose it because of those. Thanks for all the advice.

[joclyn]

i don't know what the laws are in your state -however things are there will determine how you need to proceed. transferring title/deed upon someone's death (as in for $1 which is possible here if it's transferring to a direct family member) may be possible without paperwork if it's well-known fact that that is the desire and/or with a handwritten note signed by her stating the facts of who should retain ownership once she passes. it may be better to do the transferring of the title now, though. it's also possible that the desire to pass on the property needs to be specified in a legally executed will.

you need to find out what needs to be done and, once you know what's needed, ya gotta get your mom to do what is necessary so that there aren't issues later on!!

your county should have a referral program for attorney services - here, when you use the county referral program, you get a discount on the fee for the initial consultation (and sometimes it's even free).

no one likes to think about these things; much less wants to actually put their desires in writing. why? because it makes our end too 'concrete' even though we know it's going to happen someday. reality is that when there are numerous siblings (and other family members) and a fair amount of property (land as well as possessions as well as money) involved, people get nasty and greedy/grabby when a someone passes. it's always best for the parents to have their wishes clearly set out in a legal document! that saves everyone extra grief during a hard & emotional time.

no one likes to

[Pharmer Phil]

EXCELLENT ADVICE JOCLYN

Lucy, my best advice is to proceed now, don't wait
Say what needs to be said...(unspoken words are never heard)...tomorrow..may be too late..good luck, we all are pullin fer ya

[mogarden]

Yeah, the only way to get it done is thru a lawyer. If she passes unexpectedly, you'll find out soon enough who the "good" relatives are as well as ....the others. BTDT