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Post by lucy on Oct 16, 2013 1:50:46 GMT -6
Ok, Pharm Phamily I need some feedback. I am in one of the worst positions I've ever been. As some of you know I promised my Daddy to take care of my Mommy when he passed away. She is stubborn as can be and it has been a struggle at times. But I love her so much. She had a housedog, Buddy for 9 yrs. He was her constant companion, her ears (she has hearing loss and he let her know if someone or something was around), her baby. He gave her something to focus on and take care of. Mom and I were working on our water cistern last Monday and he went out with us as well as my 2 dogs. My niece's dogs(from next door) were out and about too. After Darrell came up and we worked on the water some more. Our dogs were there, but not Buddy. He has a few times, ran into the hills and come out down the rd at a church and we had to go pick him up. But after numerous trips down to look and holler for him, no Buddy. I posted his pic on facebook asking if anyone had seen him. No Buddy. Bub was on fall break last wk. We planned a trip to Grandfather Mtn and then back to Gatlinburg. We put it off and looked for Buddy until Thurs. We went on to Gatlinburg. We came home Sun. still no sign of Buddy. So, Mon. we went driving and hunting for him, asking everyone we ran into. Nobody had seen him. I was at the pt of giving up when we got a call that a man had a brown male dog, with a bobbed tail. We rushed to his house only to be greatly disappointed to see a mini-pin(no, not chocolate brown). My sister came to tell me her daughter had found Buddy dead in the hills behind her house. We are all devastated, he was a member of the family. My niece sd he was in bad shape, not much of him left. We are afraid to tell Mom. We are afraid she can't handle it. She is 77, be 78 in Dec. My niece and her husband went up and buried him. Mom told me this evening she thought she was having a heart attack when she woke up this morning and missed him. She still has hope that we will find him. Any ideas on how we can handle this? We all have mixed feelings. Should we let her come to the conclusion on her own that he is not coming home? But we hate to let her have false hope when we know he is gone. But we don't want to tell her and cause her to have a heart attack or stroke. She has problems with really high blood pressure, they can't get it under control. She has also sd a couple of times, if coyotes got him, she'd rather not know. Which we believe it was coyotes or neighbors dogs. I'm sorry to write so much but I am so upset, We all loved Buddy so much. And I really need some advice on how to handle this. Thanks
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Post by Pharmer Phil on Oct 16, 2013 2:31:21 GMT -6
How sad..sorry for your loss... Lucy, I'm no expert fer sure... But I think I know what I'd do.. since you didn't mention or don't know who/what actually killed Buddy.... I would gently tell her the news..But a little " Creative LIE" could help..even make yer Mommy PERK UP some... I imagine grief and worry about Buddy is hurting her....  Tell her he was found dead...and tell her "most likely some low life son of a beach killed him..."possibly it would turn her grief to ANGER and she'd make it her mission to stick around and find out what/who did it? I know My Momma stuck it out several years cause she always said: Unfortunately..it wasn't always acheivements she was speakin' of Bad Pharmerphil  |
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Post by Diane on Oct 16, 2013 5:04:24 GMT -6
oh Lucy I'm so sorry,, what a sad story. I don't know what I'd do either because of the High blood pressure and the results of such sad news could do to your Mom. But at the same time she has the right to know so she doesn't remain hopeful Buddy will come back and the anxiety in it's self will create. I hate to tell you to lie but softening the way he died would maybe would be more accepting to your Mom? Maybe that he simply was found ( don't have to say he was killed)maybe that he already must have had a condition we wasn't aware of? ( I know when pets are sick they sometimes find a place like under the house or in a secluded area somewhere to die),, OH Dear I don't know, But she really does need to know he's gone. wish I could help you more to find the right words, it's a struggle I my self would face if I were in your shoes.  |
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Post by Penny on Oct 16, 2013 5:48:05 GMT -6
Awww I'm so sorry Lucy  ....I hate hearing things like this. I honestly think that I would tell her a little "white lie" like Phil said, she doesn't need to know the condition he was found in, just that he went off somewhere to die, and you could play up his age and the fact that he was 9. Like Phil said, the worry and the grief of not knowing isn't doing her any good, where as this way she'll have her answers and can begin to grieve Buddy. Talk to your sister and she what she would suggest, and maybe tell her what we've suggested, and offer to take Mom to see his burial site, lay some flowers or whatever she'd like to do. Big  to you Lucy, and to Mom, its never ever easy losing a beloved pet. Please please please, keep us posted ok. |
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Post by spuds on Oct 16, 2013 14:35:10 GMT -6
Tuff one,I dont have answer.
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Post by lucy on Oct 17, 2013 3:01:53 GMT -6
I have 4 sisters and a brother(my nephew raised with me). My oldest sister is (there is no delicate way to put this)- a mess. So, she doesn't know he is dead. The rest of us have talked and are still undecided on how to handle this. But the main factor is she needs another dog right now to hear for her. We knocked and knocked yest.and she could not hear us. I will let you all know what we decide and how it goes. Thanks to each of you for your advice and for being my phamily. It is good to have people who care.
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Post by Penny on Oct 17, 2013 5:31:27 GMT -6
Please keep us posted....do you have a shelter near by that you could take her too and have a look?
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Post by jerseycub on Oct 17, 2013 6:27:21 GMT -6
Lucy: I agree with Phil on telling your mom about her dogs death. I am sure you can tell her without all of the details, a little white lie in this case can be a good thing. I also feel you should look for a new dog for your mom to have to help here with the adjustment of her loss. It's is a tough situation for sure,but the longer you wait the harder it will become. Just my two cents. I wish you and your mom well, and I am very sorry for her loss.
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Post by Penny on Oct 21, 2013 12:34:21 GMT -6
Any updates Lucy?
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Post by Laura on Oct 21, 2013 16:05:51 GMT -6
I am sorry for the loss for all of you! I would also tell a lil fib..you all need to be looking for a shelter pup for her. Maybe someone knows who has a pup that is only good with adults?? Please keep us updated..Prayers are sent for all of you! |
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Post by Garden Happy on Oct 22, 2013 7:34:03 GMT -6
Lordy, Sometimes life sucks!
Having a bad heart myself and knowing how I go over and over in my head all night long what could have happened and where could he be ,I would tell her. It sounds to me like she may be dong this.
I'd lay awake at night wondering and trying to figure out where he was and making myself sicker all the while.
I agree with Laura to, have a new dog there to fill his place and a nice funeral service for the other.
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Post by spuds on Oct 22, 2013 11:19:10 GMT -6
I am so conflicted on saying this.It can have a bad outcome with shock.It happens,rare,but it does.
For sure I would get a new dog.
Im not sure Im adding positively to this debate.Im horribly conflicted if I should add this comment,wrote 4 different replies,but thats what Im thinking.
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Post by w8in4dave on Oct 26, 2013 7:00:33 GMT -6
I have not posted on this because I just don't know what to say. I am sad the dog passed , I have had my dog missing before as alot of people here have. I have come to the conclusion "Honesty is the best policy" she will be relieved he is not suffering. New puppy? I think I'd wait. If something happened to my dog I'd want to be there to help pic it out instead of someone bringing a dog to me. See if she even wants another dog. I don't know this is a hard one!
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....I hate hearing things like this. I honestly think that I would tell her a little "white lie" like Phil said, she doesn't need to know the condition he was found in, just that he went off somewhere to die, and you could play up his age and the fact that he was 9.
to you Lucy, and to Mom, its never ever easy losing a beloved pet. 
